Family members usually do their best to deal with mental illness; with education and support, they can greatly improve their knowledge and coping abilities. Education is one of the most crucial survival tools for dealing with these confusing and complicated illnesses. The symptoms are difficult to recognise, especially in the beginning. The treatments can also be confusing. The mental-health system itself and all the legal procedures involved, are extremely complex and at times, illogical. Without a good working knowledge of these, your life will be much more frustrating and overwhelming. Even if you do understand them all, you may still have reason to be angry, frustrated, and bewildered. Mental illnesses are often unpredictable. You must learn to expect the unexpected. You can save yourself enormous wear and tear if you learn from other carers and friendly professionals.

Keeping a life of your own

Sometimes it seems impossible, in the midst of the day-by-day trauma of dealing with a relative with a serious mental illness, to keep your own hopes, ambitions, and sense of accomplishment alive. However, the more difficult such an undertaking may seem, the more important it is to strive to do just that. Here are ten ways in which you can deal with the despair and depression brought about by your relative’s illness, limitations, and pain.

1. Participate in activities that are yours alone, for example, working, going to place of worship, going to the cinema, talking with friends, going on holiday.
2. Remember that having your own life will increase your relative’s respect for you.
3. Remember that your inner resources are greater than you generally imagine.
4. Accept the limits of what you can do and give to your relative.
5. Accept the reality of your relative’s illness and limitations without blaming yourself or others.
6. Learn to expect the unpredictable and unexpected.
7. Continue to educate yourself and others and get support, by attending Enfield Mental Health Carers Support Group Meetings.
8. Strive for good physical health by means of a good diet and sufficient exercise. Do things to reduce your stress level.
9. Make efforts to maintain social contacts.
10. Give support, time, and energy to others in situations similar to your own.

Realistic Goals and Expectations for yourself

1. Educate yourself. Learn about the illness and how to cope with it to the best of your abilities.
2. Develop your ability to respond to your relative in a calm and considered way.
3. Become increasingly able to recognise and appreciate small signs of improvement or deterioration without a great deal of panic.
4. Strive to enjoy and enrich the quality of your own life, in spite of the tragedy in your family.
5. Cultivate the ability to keep a loving distance from your relative’s life.