There are many good reasons to feel angry. It is important that you do your best to identify exactly what it is about your particular situation that is so frustrating or infuriating. Find ways to deal with the immediate situation that sparks the anger. Then try to find more constructive outlets for your anger. These might include directing your anger toward the illness rather than toward those afflicted or other family members, and toward the lack of services available. Only when enough people let their voices are heard will service providers give priority to allocating funds for the expansion of services for Carers of people with mental illness.

Guilt

Almost all relatives of people with mental illness feel guilty about their relative’s life or their own. These feelings range from a low-grade nagging background guilt to a pervasive, devastating condition. Guilt about an ill relative has no rational basis. It seems a part of human nature to feel responsible for those we love and for everything that happens to them. There is a part of each of us that never entirely outgrows the infantile sense that we are the centre of the universe and have magically caused all that happens in our lives - especially the bad things. These feelings may lie dormant until a tragedy occurs. Then they come out in full force.

Another kind of guilt that affects relatives of people with any severe or disabling illness is called survivor guilt.

Nearly all relatives of people with mental illness feel guilty, at some point, about their relative’s or their own situation. Although it may never completely disappear, the feeling can be significantly reduced.

Causes of Guilt:

1. Blaming yourself or regretting your feelings (especially anger), thoughts, or actions regarding your ill relative.
2. Feeling bad about having a better life than your relative does (survivor guilt).
3. Society’s ostracism of families who have a relative with a mental illness.

1. Depression; lack of energy for the present.
2. Dwelling on the past.
3. Diminished self-confidence and self-worth.
4. Less effectiveness in solving problems and achieving goals.
5. Behaving like a martyr, in an effort to make up for past sins.
6. Being overprotective, which leads to your relative’s feeling more helpless and dependent.
7. Diminished quality of your life.

1. Acknowledge and express your guilt with an understanding listener or arrange to have counselling.
2. Examine the beliefs underlying your guilt. (For example: “I should have done things differently when he was a child”; “I should have noticed the signs sooner and done something to prevent it”; “I should never have said that to her”.
3. Counteract these false beliefs, using the information you have learned about the causes and course of mental illness.
4. Try not to dwell upon the illness.
5. Focus on how you may improve the present and the future for yourself and your ill relative.
6. Remind yourself that you deserve a good life even if your relative may not be fortunate enough to have one.